Relocations can be powerful pathways to transformation.
My husband got a job in California, and so he moved there a few months ago. Now it's my turn - I finally sold our house and I'm getting ready to reach him.
I feel I am going through such a powerful transition, made of practical actions and work, and a lot of strategy and bureaucracy too.
Choosing, organizing, packing, throwing away what is broken, giving away what was loved but not functional when you move from a two-story house (plus basement and garage) to an apartment. But above all a lot of “organizing”, for many things. The whole process is …moving. And, in this case, it has different stages.
Two weeks ago I left the house we loved and believed our home to be for many years (actually not even two… Life had plans so different from ours!) and moved into a little apartment, an airb&b in which I had to wait for our son coming back - he spent his Summer in the woods up north working as a fire ranger.
It’s such a strange feeling, to be still in the same beautiful little town on the beautiful lake, knowing that I’ll leave it soon. And in the meantime, learning to live really with the essentials.
When we are aware of the deep impact that every action we take on a practical level has on our emotional level, on our soul, and on our ego, then every life event becomes training.
I started feeling that I’m given such a precious opportunity to get closer to the essential, and to the essence of things - meaning the essence of myself, because any “thing” is just perceived by the self. As soon as I moved to the air b&b, I began realizing I feel fulfilled but also very tired, and I started taking my time resting and walking on the lakeshore and consoling one very worried cat who started wondering what was going on and refused to get out of one of my suitcases for three days.
But I feel also deeply grateful to all the wonderful people, neighbors, workers, and everybody who helped - angels in disguise who are making this long transition almost smooth.
Relocations can really be like skin shedding. Opportunities for transformations, growth, and for unveiling parts of ourselves that finally can come to the surface when we let go of the layers that were covering them.
During these last few days, I am also starting to realize that for a long part of my life, I kept feeling responsible for what I could share with others. My experience, my expertise, my skills, my gifts, and my talents. I always felt compelled to make efforts to share everything that I felt and believed was useful.
I wrote and published articles and books, I created courses, I recorded videos, I went "live" many times, and I even created shows to share the treasures I have been keeping finding.
But lately, I realized that sometimes I felt almost an urge to do so.
Sometimes, although I already had learned the importance of taking time for myself to nourish myself first, I still felt compelled to be always available to answer calls, reply to emails, and respond immediately to any kind of request coming from others.
When I moved to this small air b&b apartment one week ago while getting ready for the "big move" to California, I started experiencing a lot of technical glitches preventing me to stay on schedule as I would like to.
I also realized that I feel good, but also tired, because this latest move takes a lot of energy.
Then, a few nights ago, I had a dream that was enlightening. And the day after I got to the turning point. I clearly felt that, in this very moment of my life, I am finally allowed to - or maybe I need to - let go of this sense of urgency that made me always feel responsible - and responsive.
If I can answer, I'll do it, and it's ok. If I can't, it's ok anyway.
If I'm not available right now, I'll be as soon as I can when the circumstances will allow me to be so.
Finally, I feel no burden to carry and no pressure making me feel uncomfortable if and when I cannot be immediately available.
I can have one or many roles in my life, but it's always just me beyond any of them - and I'm just drawn that way.
I keep flowing through Life and seize the moment.
After this realization, instead of stubbornly trying to make my computer work in order to go through the scheduled video calls, I let go of the need of being useful by any means.
And I let my son - just arrived - kidnap me (ait, is mom-napping a word?). He had just arrived the day before, after 4 months of work up North in the woods, and 20 hours drive. And decided to take me on his canoe for a paddle on the lake.
That was such a gift.
It was such a beautiful day, and I felt like I was entering into a new dimension of myself. Much lighter, with no pressure, and nothing to prove.
At the end of the canoe trip, we went to recover the canoe at our former neighbors' garage, and there another gift was waiting for me. As pets, they have also a couple of snakes, and I was gifted with such a beautiful snakeskin, just shed by one of them - and so you can see that there are many ways to wear a boa with no harm to anybody...lol.
I’m taking my time to get ready for a new adventure, and I keep looking at the layers I’m letting go of - old views of my life, a life that is becoming every day more essential, light, and enlightening.
What is that matter, really? Can we go beyond what we wish, fear, desire... and even beyond what we believed to be, and just look at what is present?
There is a richness that nobody can take away from us. It’s deep inside, and through our hearts, we can touch it. Let's always keep ourselves gratefully open to the gifts coming from Life and to our own growth.